family

so thankful for it. :)

blessings

i've never been one to despise or regret the tricky situations that life brings. i mean, if i had my choice on any given day, i would choose a happy one. but overall, i wouldn't want an easier way out. i'm blessed to have been placed in the times and places that i have. i can see the growth and the purpose behind so many of the hard times and feel honored that God's confidence in me has allowed me to be victorious. and by victorious, i mean...through it all...i am happy and in my right mind (if you question this, let me have my time of glory please and keep your comments to yourself :) ). satisfied or content? no, not yet. but confident that i am on my way? ALL. DAY. LONG. impatient at times? certainly. but discouraged by the journey? nope. i am confident that allllllll things work together for good. i am sure that the work that has been started in me will also be completed. when? i have no idea, but i know it will be right on time. how? boy, i wish i knew, but if i did...i'd probably screw it up somehow by jumping the gun or getting so excited that i'd run too fast.

so here's a little "cheers" this morning to waking up on the RIGHT side of the bed, to opening our eyes with hope that today is going to be exactly what is in the plan, and to the confidence that we have that no matter what comes our way, we already have what we need within us to face it.

raw truth

my creativity is not going to be a strong point this morning...my eloquence might be missing...but from the bottom of my heart, i have to speak. it is easy, sometimes, to feel tired from the journey. to wonder what the meaning of this path is. i am uncomfortable. i am wiggling in my own skin today. i wish i could put in a nutshell the scenes and thoughts that flash through my mind. the memories- the promises- the circumstances- the loves- the losses- the hope- the pain- the joy- the blessings. it is all so much- if i could compartmentalize it all or organize what i feel, i feel like i might be able to make sense of it. like a jigsaw puzzle with too many pieces. i sometimes feel like i should escape just for a moment to make sense of the years. somehow, i think it is possible and i should be able to figure it out.

i sometimes wonder if my faith or hope for the future is making me inactive. i know that there is someplace that i need to be. i don't know where. and clearly, i have no idea how to get there. i want a gps voice to tell me to turn left, go straight for 2 miles and then arrive to my destination. i want a trip cross country to take me 45 minutes. i feel like time is running faster than my progress and what if i don't have enough time.

i long to sink into happiness. i want to look to my left and to my right and see the things that my heart longs for to be settled into place. oh my god, my patience is wavering.

i re-read portions of this blog and am reminded of my longing. it is great. it is strong. it is undeniable. so where will it take me? it must take me somewhere. GOD hear my plea...lead me. i willingly ask for your guidance. whatever wherever however. lead me. my mark on this world has a larger imprint that has not yet been made. my gifts are sitting on my lap...

If your talks are better than ours. If your laughs are harder than ours. If your sex is deeper than ours. If your connection is stronger than ours...then go on. But if when you see her, you feel the pain of wondering where I am. If when she laughs, you see my smile. If when she's gone, you look for the next distraction...weep. For that is love lost.

reminder

it's my not-so friendly, but "i want your best" little reminder that is kicking in this morning with a swift kick in the rear and EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL IT....GET UP! and i am not referring to the "hit the snooze button 9 times because you are exhausted and the bed is like a cozy cacoon swallowing you up." i'm referring to the "i'm wide awake. haven't slept a wink and want to just hide in this room with the shades down for the rest of the week."

GET UP. the battle doesn't get won by laying in the trenches. it is won by moving forward...one step at a time. with that in mind, i'm going where i don't want to go today. i'm drinking my coffee, putting a smile on my face, and taking on a new challenge. ready or not, here i come.

beauty

it isn't in the length of the stride or the width of the hips. it's not the curve of the back or the fullness of the lips. it's the tone of the voice. the strength of her character. the length of her love and the width of her patience. it's the fullness of her heart and the willingness of her grace. it's the choice that she makes to love you til death do you part.

positioning my vision

The actual definition of vision is to "realize". It is not what we see but what we realize. What we realize will materialize. So, today, I am positioning my vision. I am looking beyond the daily circumstances and holding on to what I "see" beyond this day...my dreams, my hopes, my destiny. That is what I am choosing to see today...peace, joy, love, prosperity, contentment...I know today that what my current circumstances may look like..they are not my future.