day 6

i don't really know what to say about today. i worked hard to try and keep some sort of reign on my thoughts...worked for some things, i suppose. what i have on my mind is just real life stuff. job, relationships, direction, family....you know, the things that you so desire to have in order, but rarely do. i feel little inspiration tonight. i feel very unspiritual. i feel a little bit detached. i feel like fasting today didn't do much for my soul. but then again...that is specifically what i didn't like about church...the fact that half the time it was based on feeling. wow. guess you can tell i hadn't organized these thoughts before writing them.

regardless of how i feel then...this is what i know. i am confident in my faith in God. i am sure that my sacrifice will be blessed...somehow. i am at peace instead of at war with my mind today. that alone is growth.

i have alot on my mind now...alot to ponder. alot to pray about. so as boring as this may sound to you tonight, whoever you are :), i'm going to bed.

pain

i don't want to write what i feel,
it's not worth the paper i write on.
simply, it doesn't matter.

i don't want to feel the way i feel,
it's not worth the hurt i depend on.
simply, it doesn't matter.

i want this sense to fail me.
what i'll be missing will be less than my gain.
i won't get that lucky,
i live for this pain.