I haven't written in a while. My life has been weird. I was feeling like I only wrote when things were rough and complicated...and was feeling uninspired when things were good. There is so much going on in my head right now...so much that I don't know where to start...so much that I feel I should write it down so that when the whirlwind subsides, I will remember what I am supposed to. Yet, I don't know how to put it into words.
In the most uncreative nutshell...I will say that I am beginning to grasp my self-worth. I am beginning to understand how to grab onto what is best for me. My need to be happy...to be safe... is beginning to surpass my need to know intimacy and love. Yes, I am sure these will eventually go hand in hand. But for now, I am feeling a peace within me that reminds me that, against all odds, I am strong enough to be okay...to make it past the unlucky hands that I am dealt. And somehow, I am beginning to believe that I am going to get lucky. I am going to get lucky...because truth be told...I am already lucky. I am lucky because I am surprisingly good and kind and smart and caring. I am not completely fucked up. Many would say that I should be. I am lucky and if it takes me being lucky one more time to get it right...I am pretty sure it can happen. I am pretty damn sure it can happen.
2 comments:
Very glad to see you back blogging again, and even more glad to read the message behind your words...that you are traveling towards something good in your life, even if...no...especially since it is from within. Wish I could find that peace within myself as well to one day "get it right." Wow...what a downer I am...lol
you're not a downer. life. oh, life. i said to a friend the other day~ "it's better than the alternative". i love that life allows the good as much as it allows the bad. it's just timing. i believe that. i'm waiting for the good time to just engulf me. it'll come. it's our time. :)
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