For just a minute, I need to write about how grateful I am for the grace of God. I remember a time when my heart was so afraid...so hardened...so guarded...so cold. For someone looking from the outside in, depending on the stage of my life, some of these things would seem far-fetched. I have been on the mountain top of my faith, where I did not waver. The storms were fierce, but my faith was strong. I have been at a place where the tender love of my heavenly Father sustained me when the nights were so dark. I have also been in the valley...where my faith seemed as distant as the mountain top. Where my cries seemed to be falling on deaf ears and my only hope was in my own strength to wake up in the morning.
I have laid in my bed...for years...wondering why God had forgotten me. Wondering why He had removed Himself from me and why my enemies prospered while I laid in torment. I have lived on my own doing. I have acted in my own shallow wisdom and the advice from my peers. I have trusted my own strength more than that of my Creator. I have believed that I would only see as much happiness or experience as much joy as I could create.
I have forgotten the promises of God for temporary moments of weakness. I have ignored the promise of joy unspeakable. I have forsaken the call of God and annointing on my life to touch multitudes of people. I have suffocated my gifts until they were all but a distant memory.
But then grace somehow came along and gently gathered me up...as if my ignorance and hopelessness was was not even noticed. My lack of faith and sadness treated as if they were completely understood. Despite my knowledge, I was not treated as my sins deserved. For this, I am eternally grateful.
To sit here now, after many many years, and to believe in full confidence that my hope is truly in Christ Jesus is a place I wondered if I would ever be able to return to. And as I reflect, I realize that my faith is stronger. My position in Christ is undeniable. I am a stronger vessel...a more effective tool in God's hands. His ways are perfect.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude and because of this, I can truly say that I do not fear the future. I am not scared to let go of something in an effort to let God have His way. Today, I am crying out for His wisdom. For His sufficient grace. For the guidance of His Spirit to demonstrate what I have needed for so long. I believe His promises...that God is not a man that He should lie. I believe that my ways are not His and my hands on the steering wheel are not needed. So, today I trust and I willingly plead with Him...that the eyes of my heart would be opened. I want to see Him...and as He is revealed...enjoy every good thing that I know to be mine. Every. Good. Thing.
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