contentment

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The idea that life, the way it is, is just fine...not that I want to be stagnant or not to move from this place....not that I have no ambition to move forward and achieve more...getting closer to my dreams. Rather the idea that where I am right now is okay...it is part of the plan and for what it is- I am content.

I am not here yet. I am not in a place where I can feel like I am okay and I do not need more. I do not want to get more in order to be content. I want to be able to stand in this place and be at peace. I want to wake up in the morning and if nothing has changed, still be thrilled with the new day and the lesson I am about to learn. Is this too ambitious? Are we built differently than this? Are we programmed to always want what we do not have? Or is it possible for me to hope for this kind of happiness?

I went to NY for the weekend and got home yesterday. I always love seeing my family and being a part of this circle that loves me for who I am. It's so easy and that is rejuvenating. When I got home, I became extremely anxious. Not about any one thing...just panicked, in general, about my life. I tried to sleep and couldn't. I felt like I had to DO something to change things in my life. Why? There was nothing specific that I needed to address. There were no major issues hanging over my head. There is nothing that is making me completely miserable. I just didn't feel content. I felt like there was something missing.

I do think that there are things missing in my life. Things that will add measure to me and will enhance my living. However, those things, I cannot cause to happen. I can only wait and continue to live my life to the fullest. In doing this, I know that I must find contentment where I am. I must be at peace with this place in my life. It is hard and I am not sure how to achieve this. I want this more than those things that are missing.

Somehow, today, I will encourage myself to sit back and rest in this place. I will somehow cause my heart to be patient. I will find ways to make the most of this day and the opportunities that it gives me to grow toward contentment.