I was talking to a dear friend of mine tonight who is going through a divorce. For all intents and purposes, she has moved on. She is waiting for the finalities of the dissolution to take place and then she will be able to finally say it is over. The relationship was not a wonderful one- it was volatile and had severe ups and downs. There was a lack of trust that was felt from the beginning. Although, she can look back and assess the situation for what it is...and although she knows that this man is not good for her...she is sad.
It reminded me of the great process of letting go. Mourning is painful. It is so much easier for us to be angry or cold to these situations that hurt us. When we do this, though, it seems that we hold onto it all so much longer. Letting go requires a release...it requires not holding onto the pain and the burden that we become accustomed to carrying. It requires not only giving up the pain, but the hopes and the dreams that were so passionately invested. Honestly, it must be one of the most difficult things we can do as humans. It is a death within us. It is not easy, but when that release finally comes- there is freedom that comes with it.
I remember when it happened for me after my divorce. I hated that man. I hated him for so long for all that he had done to me. Yet, when I left, I found myself sad. I wasn't sad because I missed him or regretted the move I had made. I wasn't sad because I had hoped to have a future with him. I was sad because I had lost part of my hopes and dreams. I had disappointed my own expectations of what marriage would be for me. I was sad that I had failed at something that I never wanted to fail at. I was sad because I had never imagined that I would be divorced at such a young age. I was sad for me...not for him. And that sadness is hard to let go of. It was the death of something within me. When I found that release, I was able to grow. I was able to heal from all of the hurt that came with the years spent in my marriage. Today, I am stronger and wiser because of it.
When you're in it- it's hard to see. Today, for my girlfriend, I hope that she can mourn a part that she hasn't yet...so that she can move closer to her release. Because when that release comes- so does freedom.
1 comment:
Hello...I hope you don't mind me commenting on your blog. I happened across your blog while browsing local blogs at lunch today. I just read "Letting Go" and I felt as though I was reading my own words.
I too went through a divorce over ten years ago and I remember those feelings...sad because I lost a future I had invested so much time in, disappointed in my own failure that I thought would never happen to me, and very sad that I was divorced at such a young age.
My marrriage lasted ten years, but after my wife's infidelity I went through a year of hell (along with other painful moments). After that year I was able to release those feelings and now my ex and I have a good relationship.
She has remarried (but not with the same guy that ended our marriage) and now has three beautiful children...and to be honest, I'm very happy for her.
I just couldn't continue hating someone that I once loved so much to the extent that I was willing to marry. The team of anger, hate, and sadness just wasn't a strong enough opponent for team love.
Thank you for letting me share. :)
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